5 years ago I stopped washing my hair. That’s quite the sentence. It’s up there with ‘so now I’ve kicked a puppy every day for 238 days’ or ‘Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Party has some intelligent and well thought out policies’. The point it, it’s not something people expect you to say. They get a back shocked when you tell em. It’s your hair, you’re supposed to wash it, otherwise it gets dirty.
Maybe, but here’s the thing ‘Big Shampoo’ doesn’t want you to ever find out – your hair doesn’t get dirty when you stop washing it. It just starts taking care of itself. True story. Shampoo – more like Scam-poo, am I right?
When my mate Alex told me he hadn’t washed his hair for years I scoffed, called him a hippy and laughed at him. So he made my feel his hair, right there in the park, out in public, a grown up man feeling another grown up man’s hair. And guess what – Alex had hair that was softer than a baby’s. It felt good, real good. I wanted my hair to feel like that too. So I stopped washing it. 5 years later, despite the fact I exercise 5 or 6 times a week and sweat like a pig when I do, I’ve got soft clean hair. Even if I’ve been surfing or swimming in the ocean, still soft and clean. Haven’t spent a cent on shampoo or conditioner in 5 years. Your hair just takes care of itself. Look it up if you don’t believe me.
So anyway, now for the soap. Cos if it works for hair, why wouldn’t it also work for soap. I looked around and apparently skin is no different. Why would it be? Your scalp is skin with hair, so is every other part of your body. Apparently soap just strips away your natural skin oils, along with the teeming multitudes of helpful and friendly bacteria that adorn us. And once those bacteria are gone, the bad stuff moves in – eczema, rosacea, psoriasis and more. I’ve had all those. Blotches on the face, itchy red psoriasis in my pits. All the good stuff. ‘It just happens’ they tell ya. Try a different soap, get a cream, you need jojoba or gingko or some other shit.
For the face blotches I was washing my face with dandruff shampoo. There’s an active ingredient called ‘selenium sulfide’ that makes it go away. I checked it out using Google Doctor. The catch, once you stop washing your face with selenium sulfide the rash comes back. So you’re locked in for life. It’s a scam.
But according to a few other soap free people – you just need to stop using the soap. Then your skin gets back to some sort of natural balance and the bad stuff goes away. ‘It’s gotta be worth a shot’ I thought as I ran my hand through my lovely, soft, unwashed for 5 years hair. And guess what – the face blotches came back, but only for about 2 weeks. The psoriasis under my arms, that came back too, but only for a couple of weeks. Then it all cleared up. Soap is a scam baby. You gotta start trusting your body – it knows what to do.
What about your body odour? Well it seems to be okay. I’m an active guy and I sweat a lot, but I don’t stink, at least no one tells me I stink and my girlfriend ain’t no wallflower – she’d tell me if I was getting funky and she’d enjoy telling me too. Full disclosure – I haven’t given up the soap completely, I still wash my junk and my butthole. But everything else – there’s no need.
Take a look at the soap and shampoo section next time you’re in the supermarket – it’s all bullshit. All that packaging, plastic and product, it’s a waste, not to mention the landfill and turtles that are choking to death on empty bottles of Pantene ProV – and all you’re doing is making it harder for you body to take care of itself. Big Soap and Big Shampoo don’t want you know about this. Right now some jerkoff is sitting on a yacht snorting coke off a model because his parents own a shampoo brand…or something like that. Throw it out, free yourself from the shackles of soap and shampoo, let your skin live it’s best life.